taking back your awesome

I took this picture and wrote these words 3 years ago.
The Bean was two. I was feeling the pride that she was about a recent accomplishment.
Learning something new.
Loving who she was, without a single doubt in the world why she shouldn't.
I sigh with relief that she still feels that exact same way today.

This post started out as a school picture post.
The older kids had their school pictures taken last week at school.
I made sure the Bean had hers at home as well.
They turned out awesome and I planned on sharing them with you today.
(maybe tomorrow)

There is something sort of magical about a child who feels pride in themselves without a doubt.
They are happy with the color of their eyes.
They love their hair.
They think they are sort of awesome. And why shouldn't they?

This morning as I was filling out checks for those school pictures
I suddenly felt like I had a rock in my stomach.
"no mom, I am not buying these pictures. I look stupid."
That's what she said. Just like that.
He followed with "yeah, and my glasses are crooked. I don't want them."
"well, they are not for you. They are for me." I said looking at them both.
"I want them. AND, I want you both to know you are awesome, but I will kick your rears if you don't turn these in for me. I am ordering them. the end."

WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
When do we decide that we are not awesome?
when?
I remember feeling like that.
I wonder when that happened to me too.

Sometimes in life things happen, or people say things that knock you down a little.
Take away a little of your wind.
Take away your awesome.
Not too long ago that sort of happened to me.
It was shocking.
And just like that, I wasn't awesome any more.
It took me a little while to get over it.
One morning in the wee hours-
while I slowly woke up I thought about the loss of my awesome.
Wow, How did I let that happen?
I'm just not that girl.
Somehow, right then, I decided my awesome wasn't for the taking.

I know it's not that simple.
When you "grow up" you don't have your mom telling you how awesome you are every waking moment of the day anymore. I really want my kids to remember those words up on that photo.
Because I believe them whole heartedly for them.
But that rock in my stomach wants you to know it too.

Just for the sake of argument, lets say that you happen to be reading this exact post today
(right now).
Let's say that that means that I am supposed to tell you something true:
What makes you different makes you awesome.
I am giving you your awesome back.
Hold onto it.
Remember it.
Own it.
Be proud.
Stay proud
and don't forget it.
It is 100% okay to be awesome.