the reason why I like my age

Fact: I just had to use a calculator to make sure I knew how old I was actually turning.
This has been the phenomenon for a while now.
I think I started to forget how old I was when I started to count how old my babes are.
I know, I am a woman, so I should lie about my age.
But, honestly at this point I am actually cool with it.
I had more of a major freak out last month when my first born turned 13.

Let me tell you why.
I am who I am. I accept that.
10 years ago I was constantly questioning myself and what I was doing.
10 years ago I was more worried about pleasing others.
I follow my heart. I trust my gut.

I don't play anymore reindeer games.
When I was younger I took too much to heart at what other people thought.
I am such a crazy sensitive soul. I have gotten really good at hiding it.
So things do still hurt my feelings, but I am not sweating the small stuff.
I have better and more important things to worry about.

I have come to terms with my body.
(I can see all the times I wished I was skinnier and felt inadequate because I wasn't the skinny girl, and now when I look back at pictures I wonder why I did that to myself)
I have had babies. I have seen my body go through crazy things.
I am still standing.  I will never be the skinny girl.
I have boobs and hips that are just part of my making.
That doesn't mean I shouldn't always take the best care of myself, or that I always do.
Maybe turning a year older does make me think about that more.
Maybe I will find a better lotion for eeeek! wrinkles.
I might have to start to confront those greys.
But My thinking has changed. My young self wanted to be that skinny girl.
Me now? just wants to be strong. To be able to outrun the bad guys and to feel good.
I want to be able to help my girls feel that way too. To not waste their time worrying about skinniness.

I am in a nut shell more comfortable in my skin.
I am more confident in defending myself and sticking up for what's right without feeling bad about it.
I am more confident in sticking up for others too.

I have made a lot of mistakes.
I have learned from them.
I have also done a lot of good things too.
Now that I am older I am not to shy to say that out loud. To be proud of that.
This year my age feels more like a trophy or something than bad news.
I have earned every single lesson I have learned.
Some have been painfully hard.
But here I am.

SO, tomorrow I turn 37. Not dog years. REAL Aubrey years.
I would tell all you sweet girls who are younger than me to love yourself.
I would probably hug you and tell you how wonderful you are.
TO not sweat the small stuff.
TO soak in the little stuff. Those little moments.
TO be true to you.
TO question, but not over analyze who you are.
TO not try to change others.
Just be.

Maybe in a few years I will change my mind.
But right now. 37 will be just fine with me.
I'm not old. I am only just beginning.
I've earned it.