The Day I got asked to the Emmys: Part 5

I waited almost breathlessly for my cell phone to ring.

Ohmygosh what a success story this could be!

I was so very FLOORED that she had emailed me back.

I was DYING. What was she going to tell me when I picked up that phone?

I had gotten her attention.

They were willing to bet on me...half way.

I'd only need to cover the other half.

I told her I'd let her know.

I had till morning to decide.

I also would have 4 days to get it all done.

I hung up and had to sit down.

I just sat there sort of stunned.

I thought about the conversation I just had.

AND then, I looked at the clock.

reality.

I was supposed to be picking up my daughter right now.

I flew out the door and thought hard on the way there.

My son was getting sick.

I think I forgot to feed anyone all day.

My daughter had an audition next Sunday. Would I make it back in time? 

If I didn't would I be okay with that?

Reality. 

This woke me up and made me think about this whole thing from a whole different angle.

It's hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

Is this the right time?

She gave me 5 days to pull this off and be there. 5 days.

I was now down to only 4.

Was 4 days enough to give aubreyplays it's all?

Am I ready to be not present for my kids if this did go big?

Is that the kind of mom I'd ever want to be?

Am I ready to let someone else decide for me what my time frame is?

Or am I going to take this crazy confidence this whole experience gave me

and make it happen on my own terms?

It seems sort of fitting that this last post is going up on the day.

I said no to the Emmys.

It's still a little painful to say that.

I feel like I disappoint in not being a total bad@ and doing it.

I'm sorry that this story didn't end in a more exciting way.
It really would have been fun to tell you all about it.

But my story isn't over.

I think I am still going to try to be a bad@.

I had no guarantee of meeting Ellen, or Oprah, or Rachael Ray, or Martha.

In reality, that's what I would have wanted.

So I am going to have to start writing some letters.

ON MY OWN SCHEDULE.

Not someone I am paying.

You only Live once.

I 'd rather be at that audition tomorrow feeling as proud as a mom can be

than in LA meeting complete strangers.
I wasn't really excited about meeting them.
I was excited that they were meeting ME.
I'm happily needed here right now.

I'm not going to lie.
I'm probably going to need to drink a couple of margaritas tonight.
Maybe I'll put on some pretty shoes while doing it.

I'd really like to thank the Emmys for perhaps being my most favorite mistake.
You sparked a fire in me.
But for me,
for my right now,
it wasn't a mistake at all.
I stayed true to who I am.
I stayed true to what aubreyplays stands for.
AND I'm finally okay with that.