Thursday, April 5, 2012

Dirty Laundry.

When I was your age I walked seven miles to school in the snow uphill all the way...
okay. no I didn't.
But, I'd like to point out to you how lucky you are and how you should use the internet to it's fullest potential. I also want to express how I have been feeling lately about the information that people share.

13 years ago, I had my first baby.
I quit my job to stay at home and be a mom.
My every dream had just come true and there I was at home, staring at my baby....listening to make sure he was still alive...pacing the floors. ALONE.

Sure there was the internet. But there really was no online community.
There really were no blogs. There wasn't really any online shops.
I am telling you. It was an entirely different planet for a stay at home mom. I was alone. I was not bringing home a paycheck. I was not wanting to leave my baby and I was scared. I started questioning my decisions an mostly my WORTH.

The way that I got through this was by meeting other mommies and by hosting playgroups and by taking baby and me classes. And mostly by knowing the very best thing I wanted to be was a mom.
You young mommy bloggers have a built in support group now. You also have opportunities to create your own little business at what ever hours of the day. All from the comfort of your home.
That is a blessing.
You also have a lot more to worry, or think about. A whole other way you are representing yourself.
Not to just your friends, but complete strangers.
Now there is Facebook. Twitter. BLOGGING. the list goes on right?
There was a lot more privacy.
There have been some blogs recently that I read and think. Oh, no. you have just shared too much.
I feel like I was having such a nice "conversation" with  you, and then you shared so much that I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I am not talking about bodily functions or embarrassing moments stuff that everyone has. It is refreshing to see someone is REAL.
I think I am talking about sharing details about your private relationships, or airing bombs against other bloggers.
I am talking about dirty laundry.
Dirty laundry stinks.
Maybe I am old fashioned.
Maybe I am distrusting of all the people in the world, and how it might be used against you.
Maybe I feel like I am like a "big sister blogger" and I need to protect you.
Here's the thing.
The internet is an amazing bucket.
Blogging is an amazing way to meet wonderful, wonderful people.
But, whatever you put out there.
You can't really take back.
I share a lot.
My mom always says she is amazed by how open I am in this online world.
I probably share too much for her.
But it's the transparent stuff.
I don't share the most private stuff,
because I can never take it back.
Because it's no ones business.

It's like a great piece of lingerie.
You are totally baring yourself.
BUT, there is also a little left to the imagination.
A little left that is private.
in dirty laundry terms: it's not so sexy if that lingerie you are wearing is dirty right?
{ha. ha, and by dirty I mean smelly. not fun dirty. people...get your head in the game here!}
I feel sorry for my kids who are now using Facebook  (highly monitored).
Their friends who post these things. I think OMYGOD where is their mom?
I tell them, their friends, don't call each other out on FB. Why would you do that?
Unless you plan on never being friends ever again...why would you air your dirty laundry?
This drama. It is so much more to worry about than I was their age.
Everything you do. It's out there. for your future employers to see.
Gesh. what if you decided to be president someday? DO you think they won't find this stuff?
Your future can now read your past with a click of a button.
That kind of scares me.

Sweet young bloggers.
I wish you all the best.
There is a lot more available to you.
Soak it up, use it, tackle it.
There is also a lot more to contemplate.
I wish you all the best on your journey.
How much do you think is too much in terms of dirty laundry?


  1. Replies
    1. thanks for the little cheer! ;)
      Is it sad that I am doing the "tru dat" cheer in my head now, dance moves and all?

    2. oh absolutely not! i'm dancin with you! ;)

  2. It is so scary how much you can share yourself with people you don't know now days. I follow several of the kiddos in our youth group on twitter and I just want to squeeze them and remind them that once it is there, it can never ever be taken back! Most of them are well aware of this and come from homes where their online presence is highly monitored... but it is still scary to see the things their friends post and pictures that are on there. I would have been mortified at my age to document some of the stuff they are documenting!!

    I also agree with the built in community part for new mommys. Trust me when I say that I will be heavily relying on some of the connections I have made through blogging to get me through the first few months of mommy-hood since I don't live near my family. (Not pregnant for the record). It is nice to know I have a little safety net here. :)

    1. yes, seeing the stuff that kids share scares me even more than what bloggers share.
      I have made mine remove an item or two.
      I am mostly stunned by some of what I see these young girls posts. The kind of pictures they post.
      I wish I could call them up and tell them they should be more respectful of themselves. They should be more protective of themselves too.
      I just sometimes read stuff, and think, well, what if you make up? now everyone in the whole wide world knows about it!

  3. I completley agree! My oldest is almost 8 and we had a computer and internet but I didn't know what to do with it beyond email, games and chat with IRL friends because it was cheaper than paying for long distance. Kids these days don't even know what long distance is with digital phone connections and cell phones and wow I feel old saying that. Anyway, it is a blessing and a curse. There are so many more ways to connect, especially with people who you wouldn't have met otherwise. Bt it's also daunting. The feeling of being anonymous behind the computer is deceptive and dangerous. What did I do before I used the computer more? I called friends. On the phone. Or saw them in person. Now I have a relationship with my computer more than people. And I'm rambling on your post. And maybe having a case of overshare myself. ;) Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  4. I was among the first generation of teenagers that grew up online. I started blogging when I was 13 years old (the year was 1997 and they weren't even called blogs then) and I'm still doing it 15 years later. I think the fact that I've been sharing online for so long, and the fact that I started so young gives me a semi-unique perspective on things... especially when it comes to what the kids are doing, because I feel like they're closer to my digital kindred than many of their parents who are adults that are older than I am and didn't grow up with some form of this technology at their fingertips.

    One of the places where I feel my perspective differs is that I don't really worry all that much about the long term consequences of what kids might be posting on their Facebook walls. They're kids, they're going to make mistakes and say things that are potentially inappropriate. They're still learning to be social. They're still learning that what you say has consequences, and I think that worrying excessively about the long term puts a tremendous amount of pressure that doesn't need to be there because the reality is the vast majority of backlash that you're going to receive for anything you might say decreases exponentially over time. Prospective employers care far more about what potentially inappropriate things you're saying in the here and now than what you said one, two, five, ten, fifteen years ago... and I think as we progress farther and farther into the future, they're going to care less because sharing your life in some capacity online is the new normal. You can't discriminate against an entire generation entering the workforce because their teenage hijinks were broadcast on the Internet.

    What I think parents ought to be focusing on is helping their kids make smart choices about what they post on their Facebook walls, blogs, etc. Teaching their kids about choosing not to engage in the drama that inevitably arises. It's an incredible teaching opportunity in my opinion.

    I think I'm done, sorry for the novel. ;)

    1. wow. I am grateful for your novel.
      I love to get all perspectives, especially being a mom and deciding what and how to guide my kids.
      You are right it is totally the new normal.
      And you are probably right about here and now. I doubt employers are going to search way way back. Though, my husband recently had to get a security clearance and I am pretty sure they actually did go way way back. But even then I think all they are looking for is honesty. Because we are all human.
      Thanks for taking the time to comment.
      I appreciate your thoughts.

    2. I'm glad to hear you appreciated my perspective on things. It's a topic where I feel like I have a wealth of knowledge based on personal experience, but sometimes I feel out of turn speaking up about because I'm not a parent myself.

      Also, your post reminded me of an article I read several years ago by danah boyd, a woman who's done a fair bit of research on teens and the Internet... I figured I'd pass it along because it might be of interest. It was written in 2008, so it's a little outdated in terms of MySpace being where the kids were hanging out, but the same concept applies.

    3. Yes! Of course!
      Awesome. thank you for the link. SUPER interesting!


It's fun to get love notes: