Tuesday, June 4, 2013

confessions of teenage mother

that title sounded like I am the teenager. Nope, I am just raising them.
yeah, me.
So, yesterday turned out to be a pretty emotional day for me.
Which sort of surprised me. I mean, I knew this day was coming all year.
It was the last day of the school year.
On Sunday, I had to take my baby boy, my first born to get a suit and tie for his graduation dance.
We picked out about 3 combinations, and headed towards the dressing room.
"Um, do you want me to come in with you?"
"noooo mom. I've got this. stay here"
flash to a peek into my brain...
"but he's never tried on these kinds of clothes before...
but I need to see that it all matches...
just yesterday I was in there with him...worrying otherwise he'd be kidnapped...
I better stop fidgeting or those people over there are going to think I am on drugs.....
oh, god, I am going to be the crazy lady crying in the middle of Kohls.....
get your self together woman."
and then, he stepped out of the dressing room.
" I like these."
BE.STILL.MY.BEATING.HEART.
"you look really handsome."
And then there was yesterday.
The ceremony was at 9 in the morning.
"This is stupid mom. why do I have to go?"
"it's not stupid, it's kind of a big deal. you are going to be at the high school this year, and we made it all the way past eight grade without me strangling you."
He was right. The ceremony was long and boring, and somewhat military. But it was a big deal. My heart fluttered as I watched familiar names walk up there. Names I have seen since they were all tiny five year old's. They all looked so grown up now. It all happened so fast. sigh.
I looked down to see the Bean sobbing.
What's wrong?
"if Collin is graduating, he will be at college next year!"
bless her heart.
Bless her heart, until I decided to record my son walk up to the stage....if you play back the video, you hear me whispering to her not to pull up my skirt...and seconds later the camera drops...
Guess she thought we needed to see if everyone was awake.including her mortified mom.
{little monster}
And then we have the dance.
He really did look handsome.
I was so happy he willingly let me take some pictures.
If you ever have a teenage son. You will know exactly what I mean.

His sisters bickered in the back seat of the car the whole way there, and I could see him get nervous.
We sat in the parking lot for a few minutes and watched the kids in their "Sunday best" heading towards the school gym.
"thanks a lot for driving me mom, really," he said.
My heart exploded. I was so proud of the man he is becoming. I refrained from reaching out to hug him.
As he walked away,
I had that same feeling come over me I had that first day he started Kindergarten.
I sat in the car in the school parking lot then too,
and I watched him.
I watched him walk slowly that way. Just a little unsure.
Tonight I watched a six foot tall young man.
I watched a girl in a red dress run towards him and lay him with a high five.
I watched his posture change and him smile.
I could have kissed that girl.
If you ever have a teenage son. You will know exactly what I mean.
And that was that.
But it wasn't everything.
I had another thing I had on my heart yesterday too.
It just about broke my heart.
My daughter finished sixth grade yesterday...
But I will save it for another post.
I have too many confessions.

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