Friday, May 17, 2013

the breakfast club.

why do we blog?
I haven't for a long while now.
There has been a shift.
I am raising teenagers.
My life is so full, and I want to be an encouragement, a calm cheerleader, a good example to my kids.
And by kids, I mean ALL the kids that come into my life, through my own.
There are so many now.
It has made me loose my voice online recently.
I feel like I open my mouth,
but I just want to take in air instead.
I feel overwhelmed a little.
Because I feel like I need to just be quiet and protect them. Hug them. Cheer them on.
To fight their battles with mean teachers and bullies and self doubt.
To shine on the unique and special individuals they each are.
It's like I have been placed back in the middle of all those teenage dramas that once were mine.
That once felt like my whole world.
That now, I smile silently to, because I know, in the end it doesn't even matter.
But I remember, so I would never make them feel little. To them, it's not.
I wish I could fix it for them.
All of them.
To let them see themselves as I do.
Beautiful and amazing, and so much more than a label.
So much more than their insecurities, and fears...and foolishness...
that somehow, at that age, seems to be inevitable.

SO I ask myself again.
Why? why did I ever start blogging?
Was my life more empty then?
Was I searching for something?
Was I just trying to capture every simple moment that made my heart full.
I think I knew.
With a brand new baby.
Baby #3
I knew, that in a blink....there would be a shift.
I didn't know how else to hold onto it.

My blog shifted to my new little business.
and I lost a lot of my voice.
I wasn't sure how much was too much...
would it be okay to be so personal still?
I started holding back.

Did I know that blogging would become this crazy mainstream thing?
That all the new mommies would become bloggers?
That every morning I would become one of the members?
My " breakfast club" of bloggers.
The blogs I go to each morning while I sip my coffee, or more often these days, fresh juice.
Did I know, that without even meeting these people, I would start to care and worry and cheer these women on? That their kids would now become part of my circle...ones I would want to hug and encourage too?
That they would inspire me as well.
That sometimes, they would make me want to be so much more.
That sometimes they would make me think maybe I am not enough...
that mine was just a silly little blog. Full of ramblings.

I blog because they are mine.
My ramblings.
My thoughts.
My bits.
A diary.
My life.

This morning I had an ache.
And a moment when I was seeing it all jumbled together.
All the bits.
The teenagers and my breakfast club of bloggers....
We are all the same.
We are all different.
We are all at the places in life, the seasons that we are in.
Some of us are just learning to change diapers.
And some, are just learning how to make a teenager believe in themselves.
We all think life is beautiful.
Otherwise, why would we share it?
It made me think of the actual Breakfast Club.
(and some of you may be too young to have it on your best movie ever list)
in simplest terms.... we are everything.
Mothers, daughters, teachers, artists, amazing and lost.
we are a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal
sincerely yours,

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