as in, I was working harder than I thought...or than I will probably admit again-
for a long time.
I might even counter, I am not stubborn.
I am just determined.
For months now, well, a long while, I have been trying to find balance.
Trying to prove I can do it all.
It was an argument I would have with myself on occasion in the shower when I was probably scolding myself about not getting my daily exercise. Or realizing that the pile of laundry was still, going NO WHERE.
I would argue that I COULD make costumes for the play, fix a friends dress, teach kindergarten, train a dog, fill 10+ orders in the shop...all while making home cooked meals, running the family to their spots, place clothes in the drawers, sign the homework.....you get it right?
On a weekly basis, I was telling myself, just this week will be like this....
I would argue that I COULD take it all on.
Don't you tell me that I take on too much......
So. for 2 straight years I went full throttle.
Like I said in this post here, I knew last Christmas could not happen again.
I knew I would have to stop. This year would be different.
AND, it has been.
It hasn't even been 2 full weeks yet, but it took me stopping, to see very clearly
that yes, maybe yes, I do take on too much.
I am very aware that I do not have an off button, and I don't know how long it will last,
but okay, it was harder than I thought.
SO wanna know what a girl like me does when she isn't trying to do it all?
In the past 2 weeks I have:
Gone to bed before midnight (yeah, like 10:00)
cleaned my house. (like for real...not like um, maybe just a quick run through)
Conquered the laundry
(okay, so this one is always, only temporary, because damnit, they're barbarians)
taken photos again. (for me, not for a product)
read some books
crocheted many many little gifts
read stories to my kiddos just cause
(like, all out. using an Irish accent)
Walked my new pup every single day.
I actually watched tv. (like Vampire Diaries. pointless TV.)
Got all my Christmas shopping done
(with more than a week to spare!)
I have lived in the moment.
I am patting myself on the back writing this tonight,
because I have been working harder than I thought.
And for right now, it feels good to just be.
I am taking a break from trying to prove myself.
If you were to join me, what would you do with the time?